Back Burner Mamas Get Burned

Being a mom is hard.

Being a wife is hard.

Being the person that gets called on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Is – you guessed it – hard!

Would any of us trade it? Probably not. But real talk…

Moms don’t get a day off.

Moms don’t get a weekend.

Moms don’t get to come home at the end of the day and relax.

Because you’re either working at home as a stay at home mom (and yes I said WORKING!), or you’re working outside the home and then come back to kids who need you.

Our job as mom NEVER stops. And for good reason, our little ones need us. Our husbands need us. But guess what – we too, need us.

We need 5 minutes in the bathroom alone – because somehow dads get 20. We need to be able to chew our food before horking it down and giving ourselves indigestion. We need to be able to take some time for ourselves to regroup and refocus on what’s important before we forget why we became wives and mothers in the first place. (more on that later)

It’s so easy to get all caught up in the role of “mom” that we forget who we are as an individual. I remember after Theo was born, postpartum hormones were raging, PPD and PPA were rearing their ugly heads, and I felt lost.

I had everything I had ever wanted. A husband who loved me and kids to call my own. So if I had everything I ever dreamed of having – why wasn’t I happy? Why was I feeling so lost? Why did I feel as though I didn’t know myself anymore?

After wracking my brain for MONTHS and throwing myself many many pity parties – I realized the answer was actually pretty simple. I put myself on the back burner. And how many of us moms do that? Probably a whole lot of us! But here’s a revelation – back burner mamas, get burned!

You’re a first time mom and the day is finally here. The day you get to meet that sweet little bundle of squishy joy. They place that baby in your arms, and you fall even more in love with them than you were before. You vow never to let anything bad happen to this perfect little creature (because we moms make promises we can keep haha) and we immediately put ourselves on that back of the stove and forget. We forget that we too need attention. So while our little peanuts are getting stirred and seasoned, we boil over and burn out!

It’s great that we moms dedicate our time to our kids, HOWEVER that can’t mean forgetting about us. Y’all remember the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” Let’s translate to what that REALLY means – happy mama and there ain’t no drama!

I mentioned early on how we will easily forget why we became wives and mothers if we allow this cycle to continue. But first let’s answer why we decided to travel down this crazy self sacrificial road. That is love.

Love brought two people together. Love allowed for a precious new life to grow. Love is what drives us each and every single day to get up at 4am when day light savings screws over our kids internal clock (end mini rant). Love allows us to cling to each other when things get difficult! Love is why we continue to do it all but if we allow ourselves to get so burnt out it will be harder and harder to love during the difficult times.

And newsflash – motherhood isn’t unicorns and rainbows! It’s hard. (I’ve said that already right?!) Love is a choice. Love is a daily choice – heck sometimes it’s a second by second choice – anyone deal with a teething and tantrum throwing toddler – y’all KNOW it was a choice to love them in that moment. And yet we moms forget to love ourselves. We are so incredibly judgmental. Of OURSELVES.

I know I’m guilty of looking in the mirror and picking apart every single flaw I imagine myself to have. I see stretch marks I tried to avoid, hips that don’t lie, a butt flatter than a pancake that needs a wide load sign on it. Now do others see that probably not. But others rarely see what we view as imperfections. We are our own worst critics. Want to know who our biggest fans are? Who doesn’t see the postpartum hair loss bald spots, who doesn’t see the spit up stained shirt, or greasy hair – our kids. They love us even at our worst. They choose to love because that’s all they know.

So don’t those that love us unconditionally deserve a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend that loves themselves? Because we moms sure as hell deserve it!

I challenge you today. I challenge you to take 5 minutes! Just 5 minutes to yourself where you can just stop. Stop and reflect on what makes you, YOU. To reflect on what makes you happy.

Is it reading a book, is it writing, is it art, is it going for a run. Whatever it is – DO IT! You’re probably thinking – yeah, OK Martina, I’ll do it when pigs fly and hell freezes over, what mom has the time? But I’m telling you – YOU have the time! You don’t need to be the next great author or the next great olympian. What you need is to remember who you are and love yourself for it.

Life isn’t perfect, but we sure as a heck can make it a happier one!