Thriving While We Survive

Having three little ones is not always easy. Having one little one isn’t always easy. The truth is it can be downright maddening at times, yet the reward of knowing you are molding little beings is more than enough.

Recently I’ve had several of you ask how I take time for myself all while being present and mothering three little ones. Hopefully with few tears and lots of laughs. So I thought I would tell you all about our day and how I went from a mama that relied on Netflix to get her through, to a tv free home (read: we still own cable, have Netflix, Prime, and a TON of dvds) where I rarely need to raise my voice.

For those that know me on a more personal level, you are very aware of my being short tempered and far from patient. I just like to say that I’m passionate. Regardless of what you call it, I was a mom that got overwhelmed easily and lost her patience frequently.

First things first, I took a good look at myself. Why was I so easily overwhelmed? Why was I so quick to lose my temper? Was it just normal mom stress? Or was there something else? As many of you know – from having read previous posts – I have had postpartum depression with all three of my littles. With Sebastian, I was in full blown denial. I lied to anyone who suggested such a thing for fear of shame. After Theo I decided to see a counselor, and after Evelyn was born, the rage I felt was so overwhelming I decided to take medicate. Boy did it help. After almost a year of taking Zoloft, I decided I wanted to see what it was like to wean off and just be “me”. So I did. Needless to say those episodes of unexplained rage returned and I knew that I needed to take something again. I was ok with that. In the end I wanted to be the best mom for my littles and not keep them from that person due to a pride issue of taking medication. So back to my provider I went. This time I was put on Prozac. The difference it has made is mind blowing. Do I still get frustrated when my kids do things they shouldn’t, you bet, but I can now calmly correct them and turn it into a learning moment rather than getting this overwhelming feeling of rage. They have the mom they deserve back.

Now I’m not telling you this so that you think, “I lose my temper I need meds and all will be well.” Not everyone battles depression and anxiety. Even those that do don’t all need to be medicated to work through their emotions. HOWEVER, I do know that too many moms have PPD and PPA and go undiagnosed. I do know that for some it can turn into a long term issue, and that if you’re reaction to your children’s behavior is not that of a rational adult, (like mine was) it is ok to seek help. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a mother. It means you realize that something is off.

Second, I accepted that I need time for myself. No one person can do it all. We all need a little reprieve. This is where it is very important to “know thyself.” Know what you need for self care. Whether it is taking a few minutes in the morning while the kids play independently to enjoy your HOT cup of coffee, or simply relaxing during their nap time, do it. We are in a stage of life where things will not be perfect. Perfection does NOT exist. Stop now and reread that last sentence out loud. Really take it in. Perfection does not exist. Having little ones means things will be messy. Your clean living room will get destroyed within 2 seconds, and you will have to start all over. The nicely folded and put away laundry will be thrown about the room and used as a landing pad. It is ok. Know where to give and take and when to let things go.

I for instance no longer fold the kids clothes, I simply have them put it in their drawers. 1) It teaches them to help with their laundry, and 2) it saves me a heap load of frustration when a couple days later they demolish the beautiful folds looking for a t-shirt. This way they help and mama keeps her sanity. Then at nap time I take time for me. So many moms try to get it all done during nap time, and if that works for you, great! It doesn’t for me. I take that time to recharge, the same way they do during a nap. If I don’t get that time for myself I start to have my own mama meltdown at bedtime and it turns what can be a peaceful time to calm down and read stories into an episode of frustration and impatience. Again, know thyself and take the time you need! It will be ok!

Now on to our daily routine.

6/6:30: Wake Up. The boys often take a morning shower with EM and get themselves ready.
7: Breakfast.
8 – 10:30: Free play. Sometimes I set up watercolors, or the chalk out on the deck.
10:30-11: Lunch.
11/11:30: Nap time.
2/3 Wakeup from nap and have a snack. Then free play until dinner.
6: Dinner
7/7:30: Evelyn goes to bed and I start story time with the boys. We are currently reading the entire collection of Beatrix Potter tales. Then lights out by 8/8:30.

Toss is swim/soccer depending on the day. However we do those in the afternoon, after nap time and before dinner. That way it doesn’t throw off their schedule, it simply tires them out! As you can see though it’s fairly simple. I try not to over complicate things. Kids need time to explore and grow through play. I don’t entertain them, that isn’t my job. I’ve realized there are some parents (this is EM) that are great at making up games and playing, that isn’t me. And I’m ok with that.

So this is our day to day. It works for us and it may or may not work for you. The important part is trying not to compare to anyone else. No one has it all together all the time. It is simply a matter of finding your groove and staying in it!